The Babysitter (Don Henderson, 1969)

Awesome mix of relationship and courtroom drama, and psychological and erotic thriller!

Is it possible to wrap all of that in one beautifully shot bundle? Ummm, yes. The Babysitter is a sweet painting of deliciously hammy actors and -for the time anyway- surprisingly strong eroticism and action.

A roughly middle aged Assistant District Attorney is working on a case where the leader of a motorcycle gang is accused of the brutal rape and murder of a girl. He has trouble combining the matter with his complicated life. For his frigid old nag box of a woman, playing bridge with the neighbors is the highlight of the week, where she always has something to say about his bridge skills, or his way of life.
To be able to fulfill their bridge appointments, they take on a lovely babysitter for their son and lesbian daughter. A babysitter who just happens to be underage and extremely seductive!
Will he be able to handle the precocious charms of the babysitter? Does he want to resist them anyway? As Assistent D.A., is he about to walk on very slippery and thin ice? Will he be prone to blackmail – for instance by the motorcycle gang leader? Is it all a preconceived plan of a calculating sweet looking teen witch, or is there more going on here? Is this a setup for blackmail?

Forbidden lovers

These are all questions that do not need to come up, because this is a very well-graded, shimmering, story, laden with searing intrigue! This is a Black and White film from 1969, so all the men have their hair greased and slicked back. Assistent DA George Maxwell, played by George E. Carey, looks very distinguished, with his neatly brylcreamed gray hair! He is the ultimate stiffly ironed stuffed shirt, the solid father and loving husband, the wet dream every '60s woman could wish for! And yet underneath a fire is smoldering, a fire only a certain teeny babysitter can stir up!
The precocious babysitter is played in a wonderfully seductive way by gorgeous Patricia Wymer. In the spirit of the Free 60s, this is a freely dancing and flirting little teeny bopper who knows how to make he heart of every man beat faster! But still there is a hint of innocence in her provocative behavior.

Beautiful babysitter babysittin'

The film has several interesting twists, causing me to keep riveted throughout the movie. From the dusty life of the patriarch, the rekindling of fire by the butterflying fluttering babysitter, the first tentative attempts at seduction, the sizzling affair, nasty callous blackmail attempts, despair, dejection, the raging climax, it's all beautiful! The end is striking, but weird. Whether it is really all well that ends well, I do not know. Especially the violence, and certainly the not overly, but very adequately ample nude amazed me. I had not expected so much risqué and taboo content in a rather normal 1960s movie, but it's all in there, folks!

In terms of idea, story, performance, and acting, this was really a movie after my own heart. I enjoyed this big fuddy duddy trying to break free of his straitjacket, with all the unpleasant consequences. A girl who wants to live free, and love young, without thinking about the inevitable consequences for both of them!
Does one need to feel compassion for the frigid bitch of a wife? Nah, I really didn't. I rather placed myself in the Tale of Two Forbidden Forlorn 'lovers' ... I also loved the side story of the motorcycle gang leader and his "old lady". Look what happens when you piss off the babysitter! That is the lesson to be learned from this movie. NEVER PISS OFF THE BABYSITTER!!!!!

Cannibal Apocalypse (Apocalypse Domani, 1980)

Good, solid Italian pulp! An outsider in the otherwise fairly straightforward cannibal genre.

When watching this as a Movie Marathon Extravaganza, everyone agreed that this was a nice, gory pulp movie! We disagreed, however, on the fact if this was exactly "horror" in the true sense of the word, or not? A discussion ensued. It's not been resolved as of yet... (Whah ...?)

Horror or not, incidentally, I love a nice long discussion on the subject, it remains an interesting twisted plot. During the Vietnam War, some prisoners of war are freed from the clutches of the Vietnamese by a team led by the super tough John Saxon!
Some time later, John is in longer in the army, but still has nightmares about his time in Vietnam, especially of that rescue action! But he seems to have maintained himself well in society. One day -while being relentlessly and seductively teased by the lovely but very underage girl next door- he gets a call from his Vietnam buddy Bukowski, played by a wonderfully overracting John Morghen - aka the great Italian actor Giovanni Lombardo Radice. Bukowski is scared, afraid that something is going on with him, and asks if John wants to help him. John, however, is busy - with the neighbor girl!
An hour later, his wife tells John that "after having attacked, and even bitten passers-by, a crazed Vietnam veteran is held up in a department store in town! Now, John does decide to help! And that's where the feaces hits the ventilator ...

Smitten by this kitten! The playful girl next door spells trouble.

Vietnam coping dramas such as First Blood, Deer Hunter, Taxi Driver, Combat Shock and the underrated Forced Entry are particular favourites of mine! This little gem can effortlessly fit in the Vietnam Vet Drama genre! An absurd, but working plot, good lovely overracting characters, a nice, thumping music score and wonderfully gory special effects make this an entertaining viewing experience!
Antonio Margheriti knows how to entertain the viewer. Well, it might not be the best cannibal movie ever made, but that was never the intention. After watching Apocalypse Now, Margheriti wanted to make something similar, but even more fucked-up, with more blood, guts, and fury! It turned out to be a beautifully depicted mix of Vietnam, with cannibals, in all its raw power. It is, in fact a Vietnam movie, first and foremost.

Saxon and Radice, Vietnam Blood Brothers for Life!

All in all very entertaining, partly due to the strong play of John Saxon. But also to Giovanni Lombardo Radice, who again embodied a very credible freaky weirdo! The femme fatale neighbor completed this bloody freaky cocktail for me. And that cannibals appear as well is just gravy on the spuds!

For badass Saxon, crazy ass Radice and sweetass fatal gir next door, 4 stars, gnawed to the bone!

ALIEN OUTLAW (1985)

Cowgirl vs Aliens!

The DVD cover says it carefully:
"Filmed two years before" Predator ", many have commented that Alien Outlaw could have been That invading space creature film's inspiration."

I have to agree with those "many"! A spaceship lands in some remote mountain countryside somewhere in North Carolina. The space travelers embark on a hunt. And their prey is people!
When the leggy, gun-toting western show lady Jesse Jamison discovers her show gear missing, someone has to pay. And it is NOT going to be her unreliable manager!

The Alien Wild Bunch

For a nobudget homebrew project of a local boy, this was nicely MacGyvered into a great science fiction action flick. The Predictors look badass in their latex masks! Why they have not brought their own weapons, and how they are so good with sixshooters, and Winchesters? What is their mission anyway? Why are they here? Why anything?? It doesn't matter. What matters is, it's a rush! Sure it's a big cheese factory to see the Aliens driving and shooting it up like The Wild Bunch. The shootouts, the super cheesy final battle. This is a pure low-budget sci-fi / western!

Pay particular attention to the hilarious Paul Holman. When trying to escape a Predictor, he first locks himself in Lash LaRue's bathroom, and then squeezes through the bathroom window, with his full fat unwieldy body. How he waddles away, and, then, miraculously avoiding the alien's sixshooter, hobbles through and fro in the middle of the street, like a forcefed duck in Duck Hunt! Until Jesse Jamison comes to the rescue, guns a-blazing! How badass is that!

Lash La Rue could leave his trusty whip holstered this time. He is touching as an old western show hero. He is barely ashamed as the grinning Kari Anderson catches him fetching the newspaper wearing nothing but his boots and robe. Or when she chuckles, as she spots his chicken breast while he is in the bathroom, dressed only in oversized boxers... Too embarrassing, too funny! So recognizable. As the sidekick of gunslingin "Jesse, he is also fantastic. Lash La Rue is a tough, vulnerable, credible old gunslinger. And that is beautiful.

After The Dark Power, this was the 2nd and last collaboration of Lash La Rue and Phil Smoot. Also the last film Smoot directed. Final movie part of three, count them THREE!, Western heroes of yesteryear -Lash La Rue, Sunset Carson and Wild Bill Cody. Only movie role of the great, beautiful, long-long-Leggy Kari Anderson! And an hour and a half full of fun and humor with a wonderful cast of deliciously cheesy hillbilly redneck cliche. 

Three Western Greats.

It's really heartbreaking that this is the only film of Kari Anderson She's tough, funny, cynical, wild, hot, hot, HAWT! What Catherine Bach did for Daisy Dukes, Kari Anderson does for Tightfit jeans and frilly hot pants! DANG! Weapon Virtuoso, an über chick with guns! The gorgeous, leggy Amazon caresses sixshooter, ooh baby! And why, in the hunt for the Endboss, she decides to exchange her Tightfit jeans -Also sexy, mind you - for a spirited just a little too tight-fitting suede Indian outfit, including frilly hotpants? Well, does there have to be a reason? Have you seen her legs? That's all the reason I need ...

Kari Anderson and her trusty sixshooter.

For Lash's old fart's chicken breast, and Kari's sixshootingest sixshooters in the darn Wild Wild West, 4.0 space sheriffs' stars! "Eat hot lead, ya spacevarmints ya!"

ALIEN FROM THE DEEP (Alien degli Abissi - 1989)

Environmental warriors (from the net)

Somewhere deep in the jungle, a chemical company poured gallons of toxic waste in a still active volcano. Two environmental activists try to expose this illegal dumping practices of highly dangerous toxic waste. However, while at the site, they are found out, and caught by henchmen of the company.

Jane, played by the stunning Maria Giulia Cavalli, manages to escape. She is saved by a snake farmer who lives alone in the jungle. Together they battle the company, and try to stop the criminal activities of the villainous company once and for all.
Only, perhaps it is already too late. Sniffing toxic fumes for a decade will leave some marks! 'Something' lives deep in the deepest, darkest recesses of the jungle, and 'something' is quite pissed off!

The Big Giant Claw (from the net)

To call Antonio Margheriti's Alien degli Abissi an Aliens rip-off goes a bit too far. Only the monster, once it comes into the picture, bears some vague resemblance to an Alien-esque creature. But to me it is not all that bad. This is a great action / adventure, in the middle of the jungle. And that produces beautiful images anyway! It is a highly entertaining ride, a creative crossover of different styles and genres. Nasty gore, strong action, bold shootouts, explosions and beautiful bastard hard bloody effects! And a wonderfully hammy lumbering over-the-top Monster (the infamous "Big Claw"). Throw in some particularly saucy moments, lovingly brought to you by the magnificent Maria Giulia Cavalli, and you have an hour and a half of spectacular adventure! How bloody great is that?!

The locations are all beautiful. Like many Italian B-movies from the era, Margheriti shot his images authentically, in the actual jungle. And that benefits the reality of the film tremendously. The special effects are awesome for a low-budget sci-fi flick. Margheriti definitely went above-and-beyond. Sure, the monster looks like a mutant lobster that has been simmering in the pan for too long, but so what! The colors are bright, the sets are extensive and beautifully designed, the settings are great. Margheriti has maximized his little bag of money by using all available means, and with little more than some rubber suits, a giant sand digger, some duct tape, and a ballpoint pen, MacGyvering an impressively looking space/jungle adventure.

Shout-out for Charles Napier! The King of the Jaws, the Sultan of the Flatirons, the Killer Chin himself has a delicious cheesy supporting role. The cult hero, famous for exploitation gems such as Russ Meyer's Supervixens, The Blues Brothers, Rambo and Ron Jeremy's One-eyed Monster suaves, hacks and overacts his way through a wonderful supporting role. This ultimate ever grimly smiling chinny bastard in many a Russ Meyer boobies spectacle, pants, puffs, grinds his teeth, and throws his chin into the mix. And you know that the good guys can expect one hell of a dirty fight! As Col. Kovacks he delivers as a badass badguy, once again.

The King Of Chins, the late, great Charles Napier (from the net)

Minor point of criticism then. Before we get to "The Spectacle" we've already progressed fairly far into the film. It starts a bit flat, as the two environmental activists sneak through the jungle. The classic hide-and-seek jungle adventure is already a bit more action-packed. It turns into a popping science fiction feast rather late, but what a feast it is! Sometimes, the timing is a bit off balance, but those with patience will be richly rewarded!

For the beautiful environment freak Jane of the Jungle, The Chinniest Bastard 'em all !, and Big Claw, 4.0 stars dumped in the jungle.You go look for them!

O! MY ZOMBIE MERMAID  Â! Ikkenya Puroresu (2004)

This is my first film review, and boy, is it a doozy!I thought I would experience a relatively normal Japanese zombie mermaid movie. My mistake for not taking the "logic" of Japanese cinema into account!

The story is too bizarre. This is really weird to explain it all, but I'll give it a go .... Shinya Hashimoto is a legend in the Japanese pro wrestling. So I was expecting a lot from this legitimate wrestling legend, as he had to take on all kinds of bad guys and villains, awhile making his way through the Zombie Castle! Unfortunately Hashimoto has little charm as an actor. He's a big burly man you would not suspect as quick and agile as he is. And still some of his opponents manage to overshadow him. Especially Nicholas Pettas is amazing in his supercool fury ! He says nothing -because he's probably not fluent in Japanese- , but inside his body brews a bubbling volcano that could explode at any moment! And he maintains that feeling the whole movie through! Why Tthe Ichijo character, played by Pettas has such an intense hatred towards protagonist Shishio remains an absolute mystery to me throughout the film! Luckily he can finally unleash his frustrations on a battered Shishio .

Wrestler vs zombie, I guess (from the net)

And then we have come to arguably the best part of the film: The Castle of Terror, or whatever it is called : Shishio must journey to the ends of the castle by facing and besting a new challenge in each room! This has to be a Japanese TV producer's wet dream, to have a legendary wrestling hero sneak through a creepy house, and have him attacked by one of his enemies in every room! It has to be pure ratings gold! And it must be said, some of the battles are indeed more than worth watching! Most notably, the super muscular uber- Xena lady gives Shishio a sound and merciless thrashing. . And of course, the Final Battle between Shishio and súper impressive Ichijo ! Shinya can still move well for such a big heavy bear of a man. But Nicholas Pettas is the man! Pettas, who was a genuine fighter and kickboxer, is lightning quick, and hits without ever losing his cool. The fight might have been a little more balanced , but oh well . I will not give away the outcome , but it's exciting!

Female wrestlers at work (from the net)

The film around it was funny in its incomprehensibility. It made as much sense as one of the deliciously cheesy Mexican El Santo and Blue Demón wrestling films, with brilliant wrestling matches intertwined in the movie. I had a blast watching this! A totally incomprehensible film, but with some mighty fine ass kicking. I hardly noticed any zombies, by the way. And the mermaid, ummmm, sure ... I didn't miss her, but it would have been nice to see the titular mythical sea creature, I guess.

.For my bad ass Wrestling Xena and the ultra cool Nicholas Pettas, one gold starfish each, 2 * total.

Hello everybody!

This will have to do as my first blog. I've decided to make a blog about all the fantastic B-movies that I've seen throughout my life. I've got a huge arsenal to dig through. So don't worry. I won't just keep it at 10 films, and that's it. Nope, it's well over 3.000 films that I've seen, and counting. Most of them were of the grindhouse/sleaze/cheesy/corny/lowbudget/B-movie persuasion.

I will strive to go through my library of films, and write a little something about each and every one. Some are excruciatingly goofy, others incredibly nasty, and others just hilariously gory and bloody! The one thing that they have in common is that they were all - however lowbudget, or cheaply made - made with a huge amount of love. And, of course, they were all seen by yours truely. Some are popular, and bordering on mainstream. But most are very obscure, and only the favourites of a select few.

Benicio Del Toro in Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas (from the net)

Sooooo, bear with me, and join me on this journey through the shady Lands of B-Movie Mania!